Of Turkeys, Turkey Basters, and Turkey Flu

Let's talk turkey...

Although my last entry was somewhat different and introspective, let us return to my favorite sport that doesn't involve a pigskin and pair of goalposts: Bush-bashing.

In yet another stunning confirmation of the notion that he just doesn't get it, Bush is holding a big, fat press conference tonight to once again try to convince everyone that Iraq and terrorism are joined at the hip. Well, they certainly are now! Since his little war toppled that country's quasi-government, Iraq has become a fertile breeding ground for upstart terrorists. If fledgling terrorists are a new strain of bacteria, Iraq is now an enormous Petri dish. Bush has genuinely led us into another Vietnam-esque conflict. We shouldn't be there, should never have gone, but we certainly can't leave now, and we can't undo the damage we've done. And there's honestly no end in sight.

Clearly, Bush hasn't learned a damn thing from the lessons of Katrina. His loathsome practice of putting completely unqualified friends and benefactors into lofty positions of serious importance came back to bite him on the ass when his clueless buddy, "Brownie," resigned in disgrace as the director of FEMA. You'd think Bush would have learned. It was bad enough that he promoted Condoleeza Rice to Secretary of State after she fumbled every single opportunity to excel as National Security Adviser, failing to drive any sense of urgency despite an avalanche of red flags in the run-up to 9/11, and then acting as Bush's enabling stooge in the ill-advised push to invade Iraq. It was also bad enough that he plunked his former aide and speechwriter, Karen Hughes, into the position of Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy, an arena in which the Bush administration has failed miserably. We all know about Michael Brown and his epic bungling of the post-Katrina efforts. But has Bush learned the lesson? HELL no.

Now he wants to appoint his good buddy and personal lawyer to the position of Supreme Court Justice! This move is enraging his conservative base because they say she's not right-wingy enough, but really, is that the worst of it? No. This woman has absolutely zero time as a judge. She's never served in a judiciary sense. Never sat on a bench (at least not one that's in a court of law). She says she's "honored and humbled" by Bush's appointment. Well, what fucking mid-grade personal attorney wouldn't be honored and humbled to receive a promotion to the best job in the entire legal profession: an interminable seat on the highest court in the land? Bush's arrogance knows no bounds. How he can think that appointing a woman with absolutely no judiciary experience whatsoever to the Supreme Court would just be okay with everyone because he said so... well, it just defies all logic. But then, so does the bulk of his Presidency. After all, Bush isn't at all qualified to be President, so by that sort of math, you can figure you don't need any qualifications to be a Supreme Court justice, a Secretary of State, or a FEMA Director. You just need to be buddies with Bush.

And I see Tom Cruise is back in the news again, having supposedly impregnated his young victim. I'm not going to play too much into whether this is or isn't still a total sham, but I'll say this much: If Katie Holmes really is pregnant, it's my guess there was a turkey baster involved at some point. This whole sorry epic just smacks of a press junket.

Oh, and Nick and Jessica are heading for divorce again and this time, they ... snorrrrrrrre. Who bloody cares??! Good grief. And then for those two knuckleheads to even spit out a single word about wanting to have the press leave them alone and give them their privacy, blah blah blah... my thought is that if you want your married life to be private, don't make it the basis of a tell-all, show-all MTV series for two damn years! Morons!! Gah! Why is our society so obsessed with the mundane details of these toolbelts' lives? I don't need to hear about Britney Spears' latest trailer-trash escapade or her newest designer fragrance (Eau de Truck Stop Diesel Fumes?). And I certainly don't care about TomKat being pregnant (expecting a kitten, perhaps?) -- big deal, she's knocked up. Like nobody in the world has ever done that before. Lord.

Moving on, I see that the latest poster child for hype and hysteria is this avian flu thing. It's been on every major news magazine cover from Time to National Geographic. (And no, US Weekly doesn't count as a major news magazine, sorry.) So far, I think there have been six unconfirmed deaths in Indonesia which may or may not have been a result of avian flu. But according to all the hype, it's going to be the next great circle-the-world pandemic, killing millions. Better start panicking now, folks, and avoid the holiday rush! Anyone remember SARS? Remember the nonstop hooey about that? Anyone remember the great Y2K global meltdown fears? Yawn.

Stop the insanity. Go hug a goose.